I realized last night that I’ve never had a really satisfactory experience at an “Indian hotel” in the United States.

“Satisfactory” is kind of a broad term….maybe I should say comfortably familiar and consistently pleasant?

(We watched “Far From the Madding Crowd”….and this was one of the trailers the dvd player showed us before our movie started. That’s what made me think of this stuff.)

I have had some hilarious experiences…some bizarre experiences…..but never one that I could call on and hold up as an example of something that I really enjoyed….or that I’d repeat if I knew better to avoid it.

THAT’S RACIAL!!! THAT’S RACIAL!!!

Nahhhhh….not really.

Wellllll….maybe.

That’s crummy.

Maybe that IS a”racially charged” comment?

I should be ashamed.

It’s just that these movies make it (staying at an “Indian hotel”) look so fun.

This one even has dance numbers like the ones in the Bollywood movies.

This hotel looks cool.

None of the motels that I stayed at were cool.

I’ve stayed at ones that had weird overhead crawlspaces….where the door couldn’t be completely opened because of the placement of the bed….where I checked in late enough that I could see where the yogurt for the next morning’s complimentary buffet was stored….where they reused the previous days coffee just to save money.

I’ve stayed at motels where the owner fixed our room’s ant problem by spraying our floor down with ant spray….while we watched.

Maybe I should rephrase the way I’m presenting the situation.

What I should say is that many of the strange places we’ve stayed at had Indian proprietors.

They were weird motels…that Indian people happened to be running.

And, it was my fault, too…looking for the elusive “cheap bargain” (there is no such thing as a “cheap bargain”….you get what you pay for….usually).

I guess that what I’m wondering is if I have to go to India to have a really fun experience staying at an “Indian hotel”?

Where do I go to see the dancers entertain like they apparently do in this movie?

Probably one of the nicer hotels….that happen to be run by people of Indian descent.

Maybe….this?

THAT’S RACIAL !!

THAT’S RACIAL !!

THAT’S RACIAL !!

THAT’S NOT EVEN A “HOTEL” !!

THAT’S A TIPI !!

NO ONE DANCES AROUND A TIPI !!

 

 

That’s so racial.

.

Or….this one?

THAT’S SO RACIAL !!

THERE ARE NO VIKING HOTELS !!

THAT IS SO RACIAL !!

Racial.

RACIAL, RACIAL, RACIAL, RACIAL.

“RACIAL” IS SO FAR FROM POLITICAL CORRECTNESS THAT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT.

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

I need some sensitivity training.

I need to find a place where I can drink some more day old coffee and sweep the ants under the bed….and then try and close the door….and learn to love it…and ignore whether the people running the joint are Indian people.

And then join the line of dancers making it fun for all involved.

Anyway….not all of the crummy places I’ve stayed have been run by Indian people.

It’s not fair to say that the weirdest places are run by Indian people.

I need to stay at nicer motels.

And I need to avoid generalizations about ethnic makeup and weird motel experiences.

Sorry, Indian people.

Sorry.