At work, they give us “safety talks” ….to keep us safe.

They tell us things like, “ice is slippery” or “don’t walk up stairs if they’re icy”.

We listen….and then we initial the sheet to show that we internalized every word they told us.

This is to keep us safe.

Knowledge is power….and if we understand that it might be dangerous if a 3/4 ton truck with screaming and excited teenagers behind the wheel….a rebel flag stuck in the bed…that flag sagging under the weight of accumulated ice and snow….if that loaded truck comes screaming over the top of the snow-covered hill….with me, sitting in my snow-covered Mail Jeep, banging on an ice-crusted mailbox, trying to get it open so I can put the important ad for Viagra substitute into it…..when they come screaming over the top of the hill in 4-wheel-hi….never expecting anyone to be stopped anywhere on the road….when they come hammering over….in the ice and snow….well….the USPS wants me to acknowledge that I know that it could be a dangerous situation.

The USPS wants to have proof that they warned me about the dangers….and that I understood.

That’s what it means when I initial every page they throw at me.

Now, of course, I could avoid initialing all the papers….and get management upset with me….and have a bad day.

But, instead, I sign everything and try to stay alive.

I get the impression that I’m kind of screwed if anything happens, anyway.

I’m on my own.

I think that if some kind of Anti-Postal Kraken or big red devil landed in front of me….its cloven hoofs tearing up the asphalt….and then it shot fire rays out of its eyes….blowing me and the mail into the next dimension….the dimension…..somewhere “over there”….well, if that happened….the postal service would have me admit (before I was transported) that I’d signed safety talk 10231-43a and deny my surviving family members whatever surviving family members are supposed to get.

Safety talks.

Blehhhhh.

I work at being safe all the time….but I love it when somebody is sincerely worried about my well-being.

Take today, for instance.

Please.

Please …”take today”.

It’s snowy as heck out there….and, apparently, this is the “calm” part of the storm.

It’s supposed to get bad later in the day.

Later in the day is when the real snow is supposed to start falling.

So….I’ll drive around….hunting and pecking out a route that might be safe….trying to avoid danger….because, no matter what the USPS thinks, I have enough sense to know that no matter how much they cover their hind quarters with a safety talk, surviving is better than the alternative.

My goal is to get out and get back.

Snow is fun. Snow is beautiful. I love snow.

I just like it when the choice is mine whether or not to take a vehicle into some pretty wacky and steep places.

Put that in a safety talk if you want to protect me.

Save me, safety talk.