I used the word “stasis” in my post yesterday….and then had to look it up to see if what I thought it meant was what it really meant.

I guess I got close.

Sometimes that’s the best you can do…..”get close”.

Yesterday, I remembered using the word…..and then started thinking about the word equilibrium .

Equilibrium…..”rest” because everything’s equal….all the things that might pull you in one direction or another just the same….so you can rest somewhere in the middle of it all….unmoved and unperturbed.

If you have your equilibrium with you, you can stand up straight.

Then I started thinking about things a little.

Now, if I’m balanced and full of “equilibrium”….and I can stand up straight and move through life without confrontation or a lot of strife, I probably won’t attract much attention.

That’s probably a good thing.

I like to fly under the radar.

I don’t want people to notice anything bad about me.

But if I never have to lean into a hard wind….or have to fight to keep my balance….how strong is any of this life going to make me?

“Rest” is a good thing….I need some peace in my life, I need balance, I need acceptance…..I need people to have some confidence in me.

I need them to know that I’m going to (at least) try to do the right thing.

Thoreau talking about the life of quiet desperation ( I wonder if that was kind of a “throw away” line for him? Just writing off the top of his head….not putting any really heavy thought into that little concept? Could be…..)…..talking about it like it was an omnipresent part of the human condition….and here I was….in the mail jeep….thinking about “equilibrium”

.

Me in the mail jeep….wondering if the comfortable balance might be just as bad as a life of “quiet desperation”.

I do need “balance”…I love that thought….but maybe it’s the shake-ups that teach me how to stay upright?

Maybe I need something that moves me in a way that doesn’t always let me just “rest”?

Art…passion….new scenery and insights.

Maybe none of that ever gets figured out.

Maybe I’m just the guy who anchors himself to the familiar….because if I have something easy to prop myself up against, I never lose my balance?

Maybe that’s what it is? The props….the car, the house, the job….things to keep me upright when the world is shaking around me?

Maybe the best thing to do is not think too hard about things like “equilibrium”….and just pretend, like the rest of the people around me, that it’s never a problem trying to stay on my feet.

“Act as if”…..right?

(This post is from February of 2015….and one that I never published. Maybe there was a reason? Who knows? I don’t know if figuring out everything is more important than just accepting some confusion? Maybe “accepting the things I cannot change” is as good as it could possibly get? Anyway….old post….resurrected.)