I get up early in the morning, as quiet as a mouse, thinking, usually, that I can carve out a few minutes of peace to sit and drink some coffee….and write this blog.

Lately, Nate has been waking up early, too.

No matter how quiet I am…..no matter if I don’t flush the toilet…..or how careful I am trying to bypass the squeaky step at the top of the stairs….or how much I tiptoe around trying to preserve my little chunk of silence….he wakes up.

Maybe he installed some kind of weird motion detector that I’m not aware of that alerts him to my every movement.

There has to be some kind of secret to it all.

I’m so quiet.

This morning, he woke up and came out to sit on my lap…. and visit.

He wanted to talk.

At 5:15.

Of course, Jenny woke up when she heard us talking.

The computer is right outside our bedroom door….and Nate and I were sitting at the computer desk.

Before it was all done, I could hear Nate…back in our bedroom, in bed with Jenny and Sparrow, playing with this new/old toy that Sparrow got yesterday, this little dog that talks.

The dog’s name is Scout.

Nate has a Scout dog, too.

It says his name…..and sings a bunch of songs…..and talks about colors and shapes and all sorts of things that a talking dog might want to say to a little kid.

We couldn’t find “Sparrow” in the list of names the dog could say….so he just spells her name.

Nate needed to get his dog, too….so pretty soon, he came out and walked by me again….got his doll….I mean dog…..and then came back and went back in with Jenny.

I could hear them laughing….could hear Jenny talking to the two little guys….and it hit me that maybe this whole idea of sanctuary is approaching the situation from the wrong angle.

I don’t think that I’ll remember a bit of my solitude.

It won’t be something that I look back fondly at.

Now, I’m not going to get on some weird high horse and pretend that sometimes/all the time I’m not desperate for some personal and quiet space.

I love some peace every now and then.

But the crazy, random, noisy and volatile “kid time” is the thing that I need to be paying closer attention to.

That’s the thing that I will look back on….and miss.

It’s something that I better find the energy to pay attention to while I still have the chance.

I need to redefine what my idea of “sanctuary” is.

Anyway, I spend time with myself all the time….and sometimes I wonder if I’m really all that much fun to be around.

I do have to wonder, too…..what the heck is waking Nate up?!

I’m so quiet.