all this fear keeps things rolling smooth


I can’t coordinate everything in my head and fall asleep at the same time.

I can’t do it.

I realized that about 11:30 last night….and had to try to clear my head so I could nod off.

I was worried about the minivan….and getting everything handled that we handle easily when the van is operational.

But….you know?

The more I worried about it all, the more I understood how little good my worrying was doing.

I wasn’t getting any closer to things “rolling smoothly” by worrying about any of it.

“Action” might make some changes….but worry, without any action driven by the worry, was just driving me insane.


So I tried to slow down on all my worrying.

Of course, this morning I had a great chunk of hindsight, and thought, “Why, wouldn’t it have been great if I could have somehow driven the minivan into the shop, told the mechanic that I thought the fuel rail was leaking, asked him about replacing the o-ring on the part I lost….and then buying the new fuel rail and bringing the van and part back to have him put it all together….all this after he told me that you really couldn’t repair a leaking fuel rail….inspite of what the google man said?”

I could have bought the part online and saved 40 dollars.

I could have turned a 4 or 5 day project into a 1 day project.

I could have slept at night.

That would have been nice.

Knowing what I now know….I COULD HAVE…..

But….that’s not the way it all went down. I thought I could fix it. I thought I could get the gas fumes to stop coming into the car.

I thought that I could be some kind of cheap HERO.

But I turned into a ZERO when that little part squirted out of my fingers and back into the black hole at the unreachable side of the engine.

Oh, well….que sera sera.

We’re going to bike ride around the lake today….so all of our plans aren’t turned to crap.

We are resilient and will salvage the next couple of days.

And my worry will have nothing to do with anything good that happens to us.

I can’t worry all the time.

I need to get that stupid van fixed.


About Peter Rorvig

I'm a non-practicing artist, a mailman, a husband, a father...not listed in order of importance. I believe that things can always get better....and that things are usually better than we think.

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