I couldn’t sleep last night.

Of course, I eventually did fall asleep…but I couldn’t get there in the beginning of the evening.

Usually, when I get so tired that I stop “trying” to sleep is when I finally fall.

Before I left to dream, I thought of contentment….and then, I thought about how strange it is to think that I could chase it.

Hah! You can’t chase contentment!

You really can’t search for happiness, either.

That’s another thing, though.

You don’t get your ducks in a row to the point where you find contentment.

It’s either here with you or someplace else.

You don’t chase after it with any real hope of success….and you don’t chase success with the thought that you’re going to be contented when you “get there”.

You can’t think like that, of course. You have to be able to fool yourself and believe that the next best thing or better situation is going to make everything alright.

How else could you keep moving forward?

Belief….even if it’s misguided….is what keeps us going.

Maybe “moving forward” is only good if forward is pointed in the right direction?

(I have to remember, too, that “contentment” isn’t the same thing as “complacency”. You need to work at something….you just can’t go around disappointed all the time.)

Now, of course, the thing that I have to remember is that if there’s something that is fostering what I perceive as discontent….if there’s something that’s making my life feel hard….well, then….I need to work at jettisoning that thing from my life.

That’s easy.

There’s no real telling if getting rid of it will make me happy….or leave me with the feeling of contentment that I think that I’m missing out on.

It’s hard to tell….ahead of time…..but, it’s really pretty easy to do.

Shucking an irritating shell so that you can grow isn’t impossible or hard….believing that it’s easy is the hard part.

And, you know? That’s life. You make changes….and then adjust to the changes….or change again somewhere down the line if you want….or need to….or, even, are able to.

Nothing’s cast in stone….except, maybe, a tombstone….and that’s really just a jumping off point, anyway.

But….I can’t chase contentment.

I need to be content in the middle of this storm.

That’s something I could carry with me…not something that’s situational.

Ahhhhh, contentment! Come find me!! I’m patient….and I’m waiting!