better living through chemistry

I have had so many weird, résumé killing jobs in my lifetime.

When you’re opportunistic and a bad planner, you can do that.

Take weird jobs, I mean.

Someone says, “Hey…I know who is hiring” and if I needed a job, off I went.

That’s how I ended up working at camps for 8 of my summers….a friend at college pulled me to an interview with the (then) director, and BAM….I WAS HIRED!!!

Good fun summers….but not a résumé builder….just another questionable blip in a sea of questionable blips.

One of the jobs that I took was to be the produce manager at a small health food store in Hendersonville.

The main business and money-maker for the owners was selling vitamins.

Of course, the owner liked to tout the benefits of taking a lot of the right vitamins.

His phrase was, “Better living through chemistry.”

I guess that he would have been a lot more UNHEALTHY if he hadn’t been taking all those vitamins.

It wasn’t just a matter of taking the right combination of vitamins, either.

There was something important in the equation about taking the right combination of EXPENSIVE vitamins.

He hated the people who came in and asked if we carried the kind of vitamins that Walmart sold.

I think that he thought they were low class….and deluded.

They weren’t going to buy his expensive vitamins.

I always thought that the “better living through chemistry” stuff was kind of weird.

He wasn’t really healthy…..just full of vitamins.

Of course, I am making fun of his “chemistry phrase” while I sit and type and try to get jacked on a french press of cheap Costco coffee.

I’ll do this after I take my cheap vitamins with half a coffee cup of orange juice.

So it would be hypocritical of me to come down too hard on an overweight guy with a funny catch phrase.

I must believe in some of the benefits of chemistry….or I wouldn’t stick to this routine so faithfully.

I’m not that lazy a creature of habit to do it otherwise.

Now, they do talk….all “them folks”…about people having chemistry together.

I think that I believe in that kind of chemistry more than the vitamins.

I know that it can make your life better to have good chemistry together.

Jenny and I spend all our time together.

I think that we have good chemistry.

I hope that she would agree.

Sometimes, I think that she’d say that I was sort of a goob….and she’d be right.

She’s younger than me….but sometimes she’s the mature one….

(“Sometimes?” she’d say….)

Did you ever see one of those old Westerns where the cowboys are working with some really old dynamite that they found somewhere….and they’re talking about how they better be careful because the dynamite is old and really unstable and one false move and it could all blow up and they’d blow up with it….if they weren’t really careful.

I think that Jenny puts up with my “old dynamite” moves pretty well.

I’m only kidding….I’m NICE….

I’m nice….and really stable.


About Peter Rorvig

I'm a non-practicing artist, a mailman, a husband, a father...not listed in order of importance. I believe that things can always get better....and that things are usually better than we think.

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