more normal than not

I’ve read that you should write about what you know.

I know that I’m missing things.

Like any parent….I’m missing things.

So….I write about “missing things” sometimes.

While I was troubleshooting the computer yesterday, when I got home from running the mail route,  trying to get our beloved internet back on line and working, my six-year-old brought something to the desk I was working at.

“I made this for you”.

I couldn’t tell what it was. It was backwards.

“That’s nice, Nate…what is it?”

“It says, ‘I love you’.”

This morning, it’s sitting on my desk still….turned right and clear as day…”I love you” in Legos.

That deserved more than casual recognition and distracted appreciation.

My excuse might be that I’m really tired…or that I’m trying to hold it all together….figure out where a little can go to cover a lot.

My excuse might be that I worry for no reason…that I obsess over things that, without any action behind the worry, are nothing more than worry generators.

There’s a big difference between an “action prompter” and a “worry generator”.

My excuse might be that I have the attention span of a small bug.

I might not have a good excuse.

Having a good excuse is not something that covers missing the important things in life.

But you can’t go around apologizing all the time, either.

“So some kid made something for me yesterday? Well….SO WHAT?!! I’VE GOT MY OWN LIFE TO LIVE….DANGIT. BEING A PARENT DOESN’T MEAN THAT I HAVE TO SACRIFICE ‘ME’, DOES IT?!! I’VE GOT A LIFE, TOO!! GO SHOW SOMEBODY ELSE THAT LEGO THING.  NOW….RUN ALONG….DADDY’S BUSY WITH THESE GROWN-UP THINGS….”

I’m kidding.

That’s not funny…it’s horrible.

I don’t identify with that long capitalized statement at all.

That’s not one of my beliefs…no matter how tired I am.

One thing that I do believe is this:

There is a short and natural span of wonder that can be prolonged into a lifetime of wonder.

“Wonder” comes easy for a child….I think that it’s in their DNA or something…but it’s something that we can lose as we “become adults”.

“Adults”…..the wonder killers.

Maybe that’s what the real purpose is for me….here.

I’m not really all that good at it….maybe.

Maybe I am sometimes…I don’t really know.

But….here is what I’m thinking….at 5:28 on a Sunday morning….everyone else still asleep….me, sitting out here in the dark at a messy desk, typing…typing….typing:

Maybe what I’m here for is to turn myself from a worry generator into a wonder generator?

How do you do that, though?

Maybe I just need to wake up….and recognize “I love you” in Legos everytime something like that comes along?

Just wake up.

Just wonder…..

 

 

Sometimes, safety trumps symbolism.

“HEY!! WE CAN’T HAVE THAT THING ON THE WINDOWSILL!! YOU CAN’T HAVE A PAPER LANTERN WITH A CANDLE IN IT SITTING ON A WOODEN SILL IN A WOODEN HOUSE!! IT’S NOT SAFE!! WE ARE NOT SAFE!!”

Maybe that’s what I was thinking…for a moment….until I took a closer look and realized that the candle inside the paper lantern was just a flickering LED.

It was just an LED.

An LED that flickered…calling the travelers home.

“Calling the travelers home”…..

I have a good buddy who has a line in one of his songs about someone throwing a blanket over him…..comfort and peace, rest for the weary.

Just a candle in the window….silently saying, “come in….we’re still here… and waiting”.

Ahhhhhh….it’s so early…and I’m still here…thinking about candles and belonging…and comfort at the end of a hard.. or long… journey.

Now, of course, I’m always thinking about a lot of things.

I’m wondering if the new coffee beans are going to be OK….since I just drank up the last of the coffee that we know is good.

I’m wondering how I’m going to get all my packages that I have to deliver today in the Jeep.

I wonder if most of my decisions are going to be good ones.

(Batting .500 in baseball is phenomenal, but if only 1/2 of the decisions I make are good ones, I’m going to have some ‘splaining to do.)

Man…a life is eaten up with early mornings full of pondering.

BAM…..it’s over…and you’re wondering, “WHAT HAPPENED?!!”

My life isn’t over yet, though….I need to quit thinking about that stuff.

There is “good pondering”…and there’s “bad pondering”….I need to watch what side of the fence I’m falling off of.

This candle thing…sitting on the window….what was that story in the Bible about keeping your lamp full of oil….ready….waiting?

Now, supply and demand might indicate that in the time of dire need, the price of oil is going to get jacked up to an astronomical degree.

You may not even find a store open when the oil is running low.

Your LED might flicker its last just a little too soon.

That airtight bushel basket might not have enough chinks in its metaphorical construction to let even a glimmer of what shines within to show itself to the world.

It might not be safe to show that light to the world.

A candle burning in a fragile lantern might be a hazard.

But, really, what in a life isn’t a hazard? Taking a breath is a risk and a gift. You never know what’s going to happen.

Stepping outside your door is one of the most optimistic things you can do.

What’s your option, anyway? It would be pretty darn boring to live in fear of the negative outcome all the days of your life. You can’t hole up and hunker down and expect anything good to come of it.

We live….we don’t hide.

Anyway…what did Mark Twain say about knowing a great many troubles….and some of them actually happening?

IT’S ALL GOOD!!  (That’s a goofy saying…”it’s all good”…but it’s fun to yell it at inappropriate times. People appreciate me yelling that when things are really hitting the fan….)

We are just a bunch of little flames…even though some would bluster to bonfire status….tender and afraid…holding on in the breeze.

Our light shines, though….doesn’t it?

 

“there’s a light beyond these woods (mary margaret)” Nanci Griffith

 

I don’t know what to trust anymore.

I don’t know what to trust when it comes to music these days, at least.

That’s what I’m talking about.

It’s all 1’s and 0″s now….on a computer….shaped and molded with processing and autotuning and the machine playing.

But….there’s still something to be said for the human being playing everything….wood and steel and the organic….watching the music being made right before your eyes.

Of course, the bulk of the music out there is still made by human beings…..

Who else would make it? Robots? Surely not. Monkeys? Nah…..

But….having a little bit of trickery makes you question everything you hear.

You don’t know what is going on in most of the pre-recorded music that’s floating around out there in the world.

It’s like Lance and the bicycle…who isn’t doping if they’re winning? Everybody’s guilty until proven innocent.  You just want to know that something is still real.

Isaac and I went to a real “record store” the other day….wall to wall vinyl….vinyl….analog…the waves in the grooves.

That was kind of refreshing….to be in a place where people cared about the music.

“Old school”.

I hadn’t been in a record store for a long time.

There’s still so much room for the real.

It’s raining here.

My Dad used to say, “Into each life a little rain must fall”.

Well….OK.

That’s true.

Check out this mailman….somewhere in the world….delivering letters or something….to some houses.

What the heck? It’s supposedly raining….and he’s supposedly a mailman….but he’s only stopping at every 100th house or so.

What’s up with that?!!

That’s not the way my life rolls…I have to stop at a bunch more mailboxes than that.

What’s up with this guy? What country can you get away with only stopping every now and then to deliver something…to someone?

What’s up with that?

Now, this guy is more like it…..MAIL….AMERICAN STYLE!!

Except for the big white vehicle he drives….which is bigger and boxier than my big white vehicle…..he does pretty much what I do…..delivering the mail.

Except….where he does it is nice and dry for him.

It’s raining here today.

It’s raining hard.

OH MY GOSH.

I’M A GROWN MAN WHO STILL WATCHES COMIC BOOK MOVIES.

How lame is that?

How lame is it to realize that there are a whole lot more “man boys” out there who are doing the same?

I watched the latest “Fantastic Four” movie…online, I didn’t spend any money….and I still feel like I got ripped off.

Not really “ripped off”….that’s not fair….but….WHAT HAPPENED?

Here’s a movie that cost 120 million to make…..maybe 200 million when you factor in the marketing costs….and it was kind of lame.

“Kind of lame”….that’s kind to say that.

I think that it made something in the mid 50’s…56 million or so…at the domestic box office.

It wasn’t a blockbuster.

It took about an hour for the folks in the movie to be transformed….the final battle came and went and then….it was over.

I couldn’t wait.

And….I’m a guy who likes to watch comic book movies.

Imagine what a cinematic hell it would have been for Jenny to watch this one with me?

And….and….and….check this out!!

They’re going to release a sequel in 2017.

How about that?

Visually, it was kind of cool….but, so was the latest Ninja Turtle movie ( I heard about that one….no…that’s not true….I WATCHED IT!!)….but….the storyline or the execution of the storyline didn’t really hold together…or something.

Didn’t hold together.

Stuff happened and then there was a resolution and then the movie was over.

Dang…even a comic book movie should do better than that.

This movie was lame…..and I keep harping on that hoping that I’ll draw the attention away from the really pathetic part of this episode:

I’M A GROWN MAN WHO STILL LIKES TO WATCH MOVIES BASED ON CHARACTERS IN COMIC BOOKS.

Errrrrr…..I mean “graphic novels“.

Whew…that was close.

“GRAPHIC NOVEL” SOUNDS SO MUCH MORE “MATURE”.