“a song for you” Lalah Hathaway
It’s pouring outside.
I suspect that it is going to be a huge mail day….lots of mail…tons of packages.
Heavy mail and heavy rain are a bad combination.
I expect the worst.
I was thinking about tarps when I woke up early to the sound of pounding water on our metal roof.
I was thinking about all the trips I took with kids while I was working at camps….and all the nights we spent sleeping under tarps.
Whether it was wet or dry weather, we slept under tarps.
I woke up….and started thinking about how thankful I was that we had a good tarp back then to protect us when it was raining hard.
Then I started wondering about all the times it didn’t rain on those trips.
What did the sky look like on the nights that it didn’t rain?
What did I miss?
Those tarps…..a protection….and a barrier.
I guess that there’s lots of stuff that’s like that….protective barriers.
You can’t be selective about when the walls go up….or when you have a tarp overhead.
You need walls and a roof for when the weather turns bad.
Having them when the weather is beautiful is just an occupational hazard.
You need protection….even when it’s not necessary.
I wish I could pay for insurance only when I need it.
That would be a lot cheaper than paying all the time when things are rolling smoothly.
Back to this tarp thought, though.
I wonder how many stars I missed because I thought that I better get ready for something like a deluge….”just in case”?
How many times, to jump track a little….just a little….didn’t I open up to someone because I was afraid of possibilities that never left my head?
What stars did I miss because I was afraid of the rain that never came?
I am a self-styled and somewhat ineffectual “catcher in the rye”.
I head off disaster by limiting experience.
That’s a shabby thing to realize about yourself….that you “head off disaster by limiting experience“.
I better do something about that….like everything in this modern age….quick.
Getting wet every now and then isn’t going to kill me.
I’ve heard that to get the mule to work, they’d dangle a carrot off a stick and put it out in front of him so that he could see it while he pulled in his harness.
I’m off on Friday.
That’s my carrot.
It’s our anniversary…so we’re going away for the night….take a tour of the Sierra Nevada Brewery…have a sleepover at the Hampton behind the McDonalds.
“Behind the McDonalds”? That sounds romantic, doesn’t it?
But that’s the location. It’s true.
The very nicest hotel that has a shuttle to the brewery is the Hampton ….behind the McDonalds.
You know, though, we could (almost) be sleeping on the floor of the McDonalds and it could be romantic.
A couple of McRibbs, a flower, and a nice candle….and bingo….instant romance.
(I’m being silly with the McRibb comment….we hate McRibbs….and McDonalds, too, now that I think about it. It could be something like an Egg McMuffin….but not a McRibb….even if it’s special that they brought them back for a while….)
anyway…..
I could be anywhere with Jenny.
I could be anywhere….but the hotel behind the McDonalds will be nicer than ….the McDonalds.
It’s crazy at work….and taking a Friday off is something that (they remind me in subtle ways) will make it hard for them.
None of them read this….so I’ll say it once….and only once:
HAH!!! BETTER HARD FOR YOU THAN HARD FOR ME!!
(This will be the first one they read. That figures.)
Hanging out with Jenny…without any craziness or tantrums….is going to be so great.
(“Craziness or tantrums” refers to the little kids….)
What a tremendous carrot!! Hanging out with Jenny in a luxury high rise….behind the McDonalds!!
I can hardly wait to get out of my harness….and into something more comfortable.
“celebrate me home (cover)” Mitchel Forman/ featuring Lizzy Loeb
Geeeeeeeeshhhhh.
It was busy yesterday.
Yesterday was the first time that I missed the outgoing mail truck.
That’s something that’s recoverable….we can get the mail somewhere where another truck can pick it up….but it’s not something that you want to happen.
Yesterday was the first time that I delivered mail in the dark.
It’s too dark to see at night….hard to deliver the mail accurately when you can’t see the letters.
(I could see….I turned on the light inside the car….)
I had to make an additional trip to the old post office to drop off their mail….and then had to deliver a small handful of really big packages (hah! “a small handful”? a truckload….) before I came back to our office to get the rest of the mail and deliver it.
Those “second trips” are killers…if I’m going to make it back in time.
Even after making the extra trip, my Jeep was so overfilled (after I came back to “reload”) that I couldn’t see out of it.
It’s dangerous driving like that.
It was so full that, until I delivered a bunch of it, I couldn’t even get to my bones.
Like delivering the mail, my life is pretty predictable.
I have a route with a fairly consistent set of conditions and outcomes.
My dogs get and expect a bone when I pull up to the mailbox.
Day in and day out, they have expectations.
Yesterday was the first time that I had to tell them that I couldn’t give them a bone.
THAT JUST ABOUT BROKE BOTH OF OUR HEARTS.
It was too busy yesterday….crazy busy.
What’s life come to when you can’t even stop and smell the roses…..and get to your bones?
There’s got to be a better way….at least, that’s what the dogs said yesterday.
Holy Smokes.
It’s a Monday at Christmastime….and it’s pouring here.
I got up this morning, heard the deluge on the metal roof, and thought, for a moment, “What?!! Raining? Why’s this always have to happen?”
(Actually, what I thought was probably something more like, “Raining? Huhhhhhhhhh. I need coffee….“)
I got my head back in shape pretty quickly, though….and remembered what a big string of really nice (ie “dry”) days we’d just had….and stopped myself before I really started to complain.
Rain will be OK.
What’s the worst that can happen when you’re leaving a bunch of important paper items for people in metal boxes?
They’d get wet and be ruined by all the moisture?
And I’d be the only responsible party they could blame?
How bad could that be?
Man….the rain really makes you appreciate how easy it is when it’s dry.
You load up and get out to deliver….and everything stays….nice.
It’s easy.
We’ve delivered in the snow before around Christmas….and that can be really hard…so rain in the unseasonably warm weather is actually pretty easy.
NO SWEAT.
We cut our Christmas tree off of the new property yesterday….and it’s a nice little tree….about 7 feet tall.
Cutting it let the sun hit the porch at the old house in a different way.
It’s funny how a sunny day will help you re-examine possibility.
We were brainstorming about how to make that big piece of property into a place we could actually use.
Sunny days help you do that.
Soaked Santa.
Nobody says that they’re dreaming of a “Wet Christmas”.
Maybe it will snow.
That’d be weird.
Sometimes it takes me a while to do something because I want to do it right.
Like….build the kids a treehouse.
LOOK AT THIS TREEHOUSE!! ISN’T IT MAGNIFICENT!! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!
The one that I’m going to build for the kids….will be nothing like this.
What am I? Made of money? Made of time?
I can’t put a shower in their treehouse….they don’t even like to take showers.
I’m glad that they aren’t really into showers.
It’s hard to put a shower in a treehouse.
I started planning a treehouse for these little guys before Sparrow was even born….that’s how long I’ve been saying, “Yeah….Daddy’s going to build you a treehouse….”.
Slack Daddy….taking too long to build a treehouse.
Check this one out, too….pretty cool.
What ever you do….do it with some enthusiasm.
I should take a lesson from that that statement.
I’m a slow-burn kind of guy a lot of the time….low-level expressed enthusiasm for a bunch of stuff….but nothing really pronounced.
Maybe that’s part of being Norwegian….understatement?
Who knows?
I’m a churning mass of passion under my calm Scandinavian exterior.
That’s me.
(Jenny might say, “OH MY GOSH!!! YOU AREN’T CALM!! YOU’RE A NERVOUS LITTLE MAN!! OH MY GOSH!!! DO YOU KNOW YOURSELF AT ALL?!!”)
Who knows themselves, anyway?
I like these videos….people doing something like repairing pieces of clothing that have a story behind them….and talking about how much they love what they’re doing.
The Post Office doesn’t encourage that kind of passion.
I hear a lot about how anxious people are to get away from it….but I never hear anyone express any passion for what they’re doing.
That’s what makes the USPS what it is….a workmanlike lack of passion for life!! Or, at least, something like that.
What job isn’t like that?
Maybe cruising around in a gypsy wagon sewing new zippers into clothing that has been to exotic locations?
That’s the secret to working for the post office, though…settling into an awareness that you have been sucked into a conglomeration of people who don’t really have any passion for what they’re doing….and telling yourself that the benefits are GREAT!!
( That’s biting the hand that feeds us, really. It’s not a bad place to work….but…not a center of inspired passion. It’s all a trade-off….money. It’s about the money….not about the passion.)
You know, though? When I think about it, I could make a video of my life delivering the mail that would make it look like the most fun job EVER!!!
Crusing around… listening to the radio….feeding the dogs…putting packages on people’s porches….opening all the mailboxes!!
What could be more fun than that?!
Forget the zippers!!
MAILMAN!! THAT’S WHERE IT’S AT!! MAILMAN!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBWsdmXJDGI
I once mentioned to a friend that what I liked about climbing was the lifestyle.
I think that he thought that was kind of funny.
I drop “honesty bombs” every once and a while….most of the time without thinking about what I’m really saying.
He was my climbing “mentor”….and I think he knew that some of what we did made me pretty nervous.
Even the easy stuff made me nervous. I was kind of like the cat who has to have the firemen come get him down out of the tree….nervous.
What I told him was kind of like saying that I like riding a bicycle because I wanted to wear the tight shorts.
What a poseur.
I climbed some….but hate heights….so the lifestyle was the closest I could get to being a climber.
I don’t want to get up high….but sitting around a campfire with a bunch of folks who are jacked up about what they’re doing would be kind of fun.
That’s the appeal of hanging around “fun hogs”….getting caught up in the enthusiasm for what they’re doing.
Now if I could always channel that same enthusiasm into something concrete….fixing up an old farm, maybe? Or raising children? Being a good husband?
“Fun Hog Daddy”.
That’s the real adventure….that’s what you want your kids to grow up around: crazy strong enthusiasm for life.
Crazy strong!! That’s the way to go!!
Check out this lady….surfing in Norway!! Imagine that!! Surfing in Norway!! Uffda!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEQJOaZKPM4
Doug Tompkins….co-founder of the North Face company….died in a kayaking accident on Tuesday in Chile.
He was with his friends, Yvon Chouinard and Rick Ridgeway…..Lorenzo Alvarez….when his boat capsized in heavy winds on Lago General Carrera, on the Chilean-Argentine border.
He was a climber….and a businessman….and a lover of the outdoors who used his money to protect and save a large segment of land in Chile….creating a nature sanctuary and park.
There are so many ways to use your money.
You can buy a really nice watch.
You can buy a bigger mansion.
You could even run for President.
Or….you could develop an interest in the environment…and do what you can to protect it.
Doug Tompkins.
Man…..
March 20, 1943 – December 8.2015
What a legacy.
Here’s a good article in Bloomberg about Doug Tompkins…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfdnytgpL98
I hope that my children trust that I love them.
I was thinking about that on the mail route….thinking about “conditions”….thinking about all the reasons that parents become estranged from their children….or present a face to their children that makes the kids question their place in their parent’s hearts.
I don’t know why I got on that subject.
I know I was thinking about things that were a lot less interesting only moments before….like why red licorice that’s a year out of date gets hard.
I am sure that my thoughts were even more random and goofy only moments before that.
I guess that “trust” is different from saying, “I hope that my children know that I love them.”
“Know” is kind of conditional. If you keep all the conditions stable, of course people are going to know that you love them.
If you do all the right things….pay attention at the right time…give the proper gifts in season…exhibit the outward signs of affection and appreciation….then, surely, these people….these people in your life that you are supposed to care about….are going to know that you love them.
“Knowing” isn’t so hard if people work at it a little.
But “trust” goes a little deeper.
Trust is there even if the outward appearance falls apart for a while.
It’s a silly game of semantics….”trust” and “know”….but, even if I keep my end of the equation together all the time….and “knowing” is never in question….I hope that my kids will always trust that I love them.
I’ve heard people say, “Oh….no….my parents would disown me if….” when they’re talking about a love based on fulfilled expectations.
There is a lot of that going on in the world.
I’m guilty of it in the little things.
I WILL CUT A FAVORITE RESTAURANT OFF (!!!) IF THEY BRING ME A BAD MEAL.
I can be a hard case if I need to be.
But when it comes to the really important people in my life, I should be a little less apt to go in that direction.
When it comes to my kids I should never go in that direction.
Of course, if you want to really open up a can of worms, compare our relationships with the people in our lives to our intended relationship with God.
No wonder we have a hard time figuring God out.
We can’t sort out the relationships at hand.
We sure can’t figure out our relationship with God.
Best to keep that one kind of abstract ….or, maybe, over intellectualize it.
If you can’t understand something, give it some distance.
I don’t know that I’ll do the right thing most of the time.
I can be pretty cranky, sometimes….kind of off-putting….so I might give the impression of something less than crazed and joyful affection.
Man….I do hope that my family trusts that I love them.
No matter what….that they trust that I love them.
Knowing that might get me through.