white haired monkey arms


I have customers on the route who I love to visit with.

If they catch me at the mailbox, midstream in the routine of filling their receptacle with mail, I’ll stop and visit for a while if they’re in the mood.

It breaks the monotony for me…it can be good.

I have other customers who I visit with…but it’s sort of like getting caught up in something I can’t control…like visiting with someone you wish hadn’t sat down next to you at the Laundromat.

I have other folks on the route who I try not to visit with if I can help it.

They’re kooks. Not “fun kooks” either…they’re scary kooks. Ewwwwwwwwww…..scary kooks.

You know what I mean? Scary kooks.

Now, some of these “judgement calls” are based on something that I’ve learned from direct experience. I probably got caught up in a long conversation that was hard to get away from…a crazy conversation that just went on…and on….and on. Some of it is based on “hearsay”…and that’s probably wrong to jump to conclusions…but I can’t risk getting caught up in something weird.

I have a job to do. I can’t talk about weird stuff when I’m on the clock.

There’s this one older lady on the route who I’ve heard from “folks who apparently know” can be pretty mean.

I stopped at her box to put some mail in it…and I saw her coming out of the corner of my eye.

She was coming!!! Slowly…but she was coming for me and her mouth was open like she was getting ready to talk…and…

And…I finished quickly and pulled away…and waved at her as I passed by on my way to the next box.

She waved back…with an arm like a Saranwrapped parsnip…and I noticed that there were a bunch of really long white hairs on her arms…blowing in the wind as she waved at me.

Long white hairs…like a balding yeti…

I did a double take in the rear-view mirror..not sure if what I was seeing was really real…wondering if someone had dosed one of the letters I was handling and I was just hallucinating…but it was real….too real.

She had long white hairs growing out of her old monkey arms!

I thought, right in that moment, “I need to visit with that lady next time I make this loop and I see her out! I’ve got to get a closer look at those monkey arms!! That was weird….”

What does the Bible say about “no greater love…”? About laying your life down? I don’t think it only means taking a bullet or pushing someone from in front of a train….

Actually, I visit with everyone…EVERYONE…on the route.

That whole “get away from the monkey lady” thing was just a knee-jerk reaction…I was creeped out momentarily…I had to go…now.

I’ll visit with her next time.

Next time I’ll stop and say “hello”.

I just hope that it’s not a breezy day…and that some of that monkey arm hair doesn’t graze my cheek or something.

That would be a major freak-out.

Besides, it could have been cobwebs that I was seeing blowing in the wind.

She’s pretty old, after all.

(A short PS….awww, man…I just noticed that it’s April Fools Day…shoot. Rest assured, though…this really happened to me…I SAW THE MONKEY HAIRS FOR REAL. No fooling.)

About Peter Rorvig

I'm a non-practicing artist, a mailman, a husband, a father...not listed in order of importance. I believe that things can always get better....and that things are usually better than we think.

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