My youngest son went to a superhero themed birthday party today and he was the only one wearing a mask.
The invitation said to come as your “best alter-ego”…but when we pulled up with a mask and cape, no one else looked any more super than they probably did everyday.
No one had anything close to a costume on….except for a little girl with a reindeer sweater and a purple mask.
WHAT THE…HECK?!!
Nate didn’t care.
He was the one who’d gotten it “right”, anyway.
This was a theme party, after all.
One thing that I noticed is how many of the parents have smart phones.
What a buffer that is….to be able to swipe away at the glass screen of a smart phone instead of sitting awkwardly with the other technologically deprived parents.
They can go anywhere….and not really be present.
I guess it’s kind of weird that we all stick around for the party, though.
Jenny commented that a kid’s party used to be for the kids….a drop off and say goodbye sort of thing.
It’s insane, anyway you color it.
Little kids running around, shooting each other with silly string, eating only candy off the buffet because it’s a party and they can.
I kept hearing, “THE BATMAN DID IT!!! THE BATMAN DID IT!!”
I woke up early this morning….thinking that I hadn’t thanked my son for making some good chili.
That wasn’t my first thought….but it was the thought that I eventually rested on.
Then, I started thinking about time.
Chili was easier to wrap my head around….I should have stuck with chili.
These leaves fell quickly here….beautiful changed colors….and then…they were on the ground.
I tried to pay some attention….but they left in the middle of my appreciation.
They left fast…on the tree and beautiful…then, on the ground and… blowing away.
These kids are growing up fast, too.
Same deal….I’m trying to pay attention….but, darnit, there’s so many packages to deliver…and some bills are coming in….and I’ve got to keep these cars running…
etc, etc.
I’m a grownup…..I have distractions.
Maybe distractions are the buffer that keep us from really noticing things….like time passing?
Maybe that’s HELL….when you can really see the changes….see the passing…and realize that there’s nothing you can do to slow it down?
Maybe “seeing time” is HELL?
Or….maybe…..”seeing time” is Heaven?
Maybe being aware of it all drives home the point that you better pay attention….that this is it ….that it’s all moving on whether you come with it willingly or not.
Maybe awareness is the gift? Maybe it’s a blessing?
Maybe I should have stuck with the chili?
What’s the point of thinking about time, anyway?
What did Earl Nightingale say? Something about not “managing time”? That no one can manage time….we can only manage events? I’m probably mangling his quote….but it was something about that.
It was something about time.
How much coffee do you need to drink before you forget to keep thinking about something that IS and can’t be changed….or “managed”?
Lots of very early morning questions.
These questions are just the tip of a bigger iceberg.
Ahhhhh….what the heck?
I breathe….I move…I work…I play.
I see my family ….and do my best to really see and… notice them.
Appreciate, too….
I sleep a little.
And, then, I get up and do it again.
There’s more to life than understanding how time works….that’s for sure.
It’s all these details that are happening around the things that I choose to view as “important” that turn out to be the really important stuff, anyway.
All these trees….and I’m really lost in a beautiful forest.
Goofy.
I’m going to have to remember to thank Isaac for that good chili.
Knowing all the sounds my Mail Jeep makes doesn’t get me any closer to knowing the reasons for the sounds.
Sometimes, I turn down the radio just to listen to a new sound.
Lately, it’s been kind of a metallic flapping sound going up hills under load.
I don’t know how else to describe it.
It is a soft flapping, though.
Just subtle enough for me to hear.
No one else would be able to discern it…but I know that it’s there.
What did Jack Nicholson run into in the movie The Shining?
Didn’t he start hearing things before it all fell apart for him?
Maybe these Mail Jeep sounds are just a low buck version of that?
Instead of an amazing (albeit horribly haunted) resort in the mountains, I’ve got an old Jeep with about a kazillion miles on it, making sounds that only I can hear and worry about.
REDRUM.
I don’t know if it would be worth it to trade luxurious resort living for driving around in the Jeep…. if the situation turned really scary.
I like luxury….but I don’t like scary all that much.
I have plenty of stations on my radio, though….and I can turn it up loud if I need to avoid listening to the squeaks or whirrrrrs….or new metallic flapping noises….for a while.
An elegant and simple solution to an uncomfortable awareness of impending disaster…..TURN UP THE RADIO!!
EASY.
We get a safety talk almost every day.
Some of the most recent ones have been about paying attention.
They show us videos of trucks with their tops ripped off….vehicles that mailmen have hit when someone ran a stop sign….cars that rolled where they shouldn’t end up….
They tell us that the dogs will bite us.
It’s hard enough to deliver the mail and get back to the office without worrying about all the stuff that’s happening to the other drivers all over the country.
Somewhere, there is something really bad happening because somebody got into a vehicle and drove away from the office….loaded down with mail….overloaded with mail….loaded so full of mail that they couldn’t even see out of their vehicle.
That’s not safe….really. (NO….REALLY….THAT’S NOT SAFE WHEN YOU CAN’T SEE OUT OF YOUR VEHICLE…)
But…overtime is a concern, too….so until we become the subject of another safety talk, I think they’d rather send us on our way…and crucify us if our unsafe situation causes an accident.
They’d rather do that than pay us any overtime to do the job in a vehicle that’s not loaded like that.
HEY!!! THE SAFETY TALKS ARE MAYBE THEIR VERSION OF “TURNING UP THE RADIO”!!
I GET IT!!
The safety talks are a “cover your butt” exercise….a chance to say, “I TOLD YOU not to do that.”
It’s good to be safe.
I know what is smart….I know what is good.
What I don’t know is this: What percentage of all these accidents are in the USPS serviced LLV’s…and what percentage are in the driver owned personal vehicles (maintained by the drivers…with the driver’s money and time and awareness of the need to keep a vehicle on the road so that they can do the job SAFELY)?
And….what is that metallic sound that only I can hear coming from the front left side of my Mail Jeep when I go up a hill lately?
Driving the mail Jeep around in the rain, loaded to the top/gills with packages, loaded so tall and so full that there was barely enough room left for me to wedge myself behind the wheel and drive away from the Post Office to begin the day, loaded for bear….knocked out and loaded….loaded…..blind to traffic and the “easy life”….a bigger wheeled box carrying a bunch of smaller boxes…a vehicle….
Driving the Jeep….driving again….another day of pre-Christmas cheer and packages…rush….and…
this song by Levon’s daughter, Amy, came on the radio….
“didn’t it rain” Amy Helm
It’s so good when a song provides the momentarily perfect soundtrack backdrop to a life on the road….endless loop…endless.
“Endless”? What kind of weird hubris is that? Hubris is the tragic flaw, from what I remember. Tragic.
I should be so lucky to be alive and employed….endlessly….useful and needed…providing some kind of service that changes things….even if it’s only to fill up a space with a box full of some new necessity.
Nobody feels useful forever, I suppose.
It rained like the world was ending….and then the sun came out and the day leveled out and the packages left the Jeep like someone had pulled a plug in a bathtub and the drain was partially clogged with a season’s worth of new baldness….slowly and surely going away….packageless and overjoyed to be done with another day’s accumulated duties….closer to Christmas.
Amy Helm….singing a song about rain.
What wasn’t great about getting through this day?
Sometimes what makes a day good is knowing that you’re done with the bad part.
We have a lot on our plate….and sometimes it feels like I can’t find a fork.
That’s the way it goes down if you pick a hard road.
If you’re going to buy a house, buy a house that’s finished and ready…ready for action….ready for a life.
The house we live in is a continual work in progress….there’s always something that needs some attention.
That’s where the fun really starts….I know the difference between “attention” and “action”.
Knowing the difference doesn’t get me closer to fixing the issues.
I can pay “attention” to a problem area for years….it’s the “action” part that’s hard.
Sparrow starts the night in her little bed….but usually ends the night in our big bed….that she somehow manages to turn into her little bed when she climbs the sheets to lay down between Mommy and Daddy.
She was laughing in her sleep when I got up to make some coffee and to crank out another blog post.
That’s a sweet sound….to hear your two-year-old laughing in her sleep.
That’s a game changer….to see your children happy.
That will turn my frown upside down every time.
The “lot on our plate” comment was about the property we bought.
If it’s going to sit there and just be a reminder of the money that we sent the bank that month….and every month…it’s worthless.
It’s something to hate.
It’s a drain….it’s an albatross….it’s another bad decision that is hard to turn your back on.
But….if we do something with it….turn it into a home….and do it fast….or, faster than we did with this place (20 years is a long time to be working on a building)….it could be pretty great.
Getting from “albatross” to “great” is something I’m going to have to figure out….AND QUICK.
Either figure it out….quick….or GET OFF THE POT!! (That’s a reference to finishing up in the potty….not an allegiance to a controlled substance….medical or not…)
These little guys bring it into perspective, though.
I think that sometimes ….no, most times….these little guys would be happy living in a cardboard box if we were all together and happy.
That doesn’t mean that we wouldn’t like one of the guys from HGTV ….like Hillary or Joanna…to come in and help us decide whether to love it or list it….after they’d made everything good.
That would be nice for somebody to do their magic.
Hah!! Our show could be called “Like It or Lump It”! It could be a show where nothing changes….and the hosts just drive the point home that you’re stuck where you are and you’ll never escape…so you better figure out how to find the silver lining and get on with your life.
What a show that would be!!
Any problem that you can take action on is a good problem.
Any problem that just eats at you and makes you feel bad for the rest of your life is a bad problem.
I’m excited about working out these “good problems” opportunities.
Work it, baby….work it…..and, the more I think about it, what house could be more “ready for a life” than the one you make together?
I think there’s a couple of reasons to be an optimist.
One reason is that your faith is strong and you believe that things are the way you hope they are.
Maybe the other reason is that you’re just too afraid of the darkness that you know is on the other side of optimism to clutch at anything different than blind…. optimism.
You need the light…but can’t hold it in your hands.
I don’t know which side I’m on.
Whatever the reason….I want desperately to be an optimist.
I want my faith to be stronger than my fear.
It rained hard here today….driving around in the mist… and grey…delivering the mail.
That’s what I do….the “same old/same old”.
A grey day isn’t everyday….but, a grey day surely does drive the point home….the same old…again.
But the ending is sometimes better than the beginning….no matter how hard you’ve settled on sad and resigned conclusions….no matter how far away your faith has slid.
I believe…no matter how far away my faith seems in this grey misted day.
I believe.
That’s a pretty optimistic statement, I suppose.
Maybe I’m not so far off from where I need to be?
I still believe that things can be better…that “fixable” still means what I think it means.
I believe that I am loved.
Optimism isn’t an elusive accident….it’s a wonderful and…sometimes, desperately… conscious choice.
I can be better.
Here’s a Jennifer Warnes version of a great Todd Rundgren song that was swimming in my head today….
We’re going to have our family picture taken this afternoon.
We have the “carrot” of going out to eat afterwards for leverage, so hopefully it will go well.
I suspect that the mall employee taking the picture will want to contribute as much as possible to the efficiency of the process as possible, too.
I’ll bet that they’ll want to get rid of us quickly.
Now wouldn’t that be a crazy job? Taking pictures of strangers all day?
We’ve never done that before….had a family picture taken, that is.
We’ve never had a job where we took people’s pictures at the mall all day, either.
Memories.
I like the memories that sneak up on me best….but the memory of getting dressed up and going to the mall to have our picture made will probably stick with us for a while….even if we forget where we put the picture the people made.
That’s what people call the “two” years, at least.
I don’t believe it, though.
Jenny said something about the two years being the one where they really start to “come into their own”.
(The quotes are mine….I can’t remember exactly what she said. I do listen to Jenny….but I can’t remember exactly how she phrased it….but… I do listen to Jenny.)
The “two years”….where Sparrow starts to assert some independence of personality…starts exercising her ability to say “no”.
No.
That’s a good word to know….one of two really vital ones to understand….that and “yes” will get you through most situations, if you think about it.
“No” is a pain in the rear at bedtime, though.
Sparrow’s vocabulary is amusingly huge….but I have noticed that she’s trotting out the “no” word more often and occasionally with a lot more enthusiasm than when she was just a developing and agreeable little lump.
Maybe we’re just doing a better job of understanding her?
It’s kind of strange that the point where someone begins to really “come into their own” as a person….with all the new challenges that come with that…is a point that we call the “terrible twos”.
There’s nothing terrible about Sparrow.
She’s getting selectively independent….but still just as sweet as can be.
She asserts herself.
She’s her own little lady.
That’s a weird digression, I guess, but what I was thinking is that it is a pretty great thing that she’s entering into the “terrible two” phase….starting today.
Maybe the terrible part isn’t so much how the little one starts to act around the second birthday….maybe it’s that we see what a child “standing on their own” means for the parent.
Who wants to see a glimmer of independence this early in the game?
Not me.
If this is all about finding your own way, though….making your stand, staking your claim in this big world….then bring it on.
BRING IT ON….ALL THE NEW OPINIONS AND RETORTS….ALL THE WILLFULNESS AND STUBBORN REFUSAL TO (HOPEFULLY….TEMPORARILY) SEE ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW….ALL THE MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE MOMENTS!!
Bring it on, Sparrow, in your sweet way.
Grow, baby, grow.
Sparrow turns two today….Elsa and cupcakes….presents and a special trip to someplace fun to eat.
This is her day.
Nothing terrible about it.
What idiot called them the “terrible two” years, anyway?
I realized just a little while ago that most of the positive actions that we’re supposed to take in our lives spring from a full understanding of the need….to be thankful.
Thankfulness.
That’s pretty much the whole enchilada.
Our expression of our faith shouldn’t come from a fear of consequences….it should be profound thankfulness for what we’ve been given.
Our love for our families isn’t just “maintenance”…it’s thankfulness.
Our love for our lives isn’t just a nice habit that jumps out of some “good attitude cake”….it should come from thankfulness.
Gratitude covers a lot of bases….gratitude is a good angle to settle into.
I’m not always full of gratitude, though.
I was looking at the “Black Friday” deals this morning.
That’s easy to do on your computer….and since it’s so early, I need to find something quiet to do so I don’t wake everybody up.
I didn’t see any deals that made me HOLLER OUT LOUD, though.
This world is set up to make me want.
How would anybody stay in business if they couldn’t make me “want”?
I AM FULL OF DESIRE.
But….when I looked at some of the offers (DID YOU KNOW YOU COULD GET A KINDLE FOR 35 DOLLARS!! 35 DOLLARS!!), I realized how little I really needed or wanted.
Now, if somebody asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I might be able to come up with something just so I could make them feel better.
It’s crummy to be shoppig….hah!….I mispelled it….that’s a new word…SHOPPIG!! THAT’S FUNNY!!! ….what was I saying? Oh….yeah….it’s crummy to be shopping in the dark for someone….so I guess that it’s a kindness to give them an idea….but…if it’s so much work to come up with a want, even, then…..
Maybe I don’t really need anything.
Maybe I’m not full of desire.
Recognizing that I don’t need anything doesn’t mean I’ve hit the pinnacle of gratitude for what I already have, though.
I haven’t figured out consistent gratitude….yet.
We’re going to cook a turkey later today.
That’s what people do on Thanksgiving.
We’ll probably walk around in the woods….come back….eat a bunch of food….hang out at the house….go back out into the woods and look at the treehouse site….come back inside….eat some pie….hang out…
Do the usual Thanksgiving stuff….
I am thankful to be spending Thanksgiving with my family.
My life is fairly simple….and, for that, I’m very thankful.
Maybe that’s something to shoot for in the coming year? Not so much to make my life worthy of “thankfulness”….which it already is, by the way…but to recognize the NEED….AND THE RESPONSIBILITY….to be thankful for what we already have.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Everyday….thank you.
Here’s an old “Thanksgiving song”….pretty great. The really good stuff has longevity….
