more normal than not

I’ve had some coffee….and my head is still as empty of ideas as ever.

Dangit, dangit, dangit.

So I looked for the fallback position….the blogging “punt”….the YouTube video….the video that would let my imagination run wild and imagine how much freedom we’d all have if we could move up North….way up North….up to Alaska where a man could still be a man and experience true freedom(!).

While I was doing that, I took a moment to reflect a little….and realized that I’m not really anything close to the kind of person who should be thinking about doing that.

I don’t even want to go out in the rain.

I don’t want to get wet.

And I split plenty of wood…so if it gets a little cold (North Carolina style cold….warm compared to Alaska)….I can get warm pretty easily.

I guess that the fantasy is worth something, though.

Maybe “fantasy” is my euphemism for “fool me”.

I spent a summer working up in Minnesota when I was in High School.

At the end of the summer, I took a bus ride from Minneapolis to Spokane, WA…..across the Dakotas and Montana….Idaho….all the way to Washington….to visit my relatives out there.

It was a good trip.

I sat next to a college student who was going….west….I don’t really remember where he was going…..but I do remember that we talked about the Homesteading law that had either just expired or was getting ready to expire.

I guess that this was the summer of 1978.

I can’t remember when the Homesteading Act ended.

The prospect of getting free land was pretty exciting to me…..I was cheap back then….(I’M STILL CHEAP!!! SO CHEAP!!! THAT’S NOT SOMETHING TO GET EXCITED ABOUT!!! WHY AM I STILL TYPING IN CAPITAL LETTERS?! I SHOULDN’T BE YELLING ABOUT THAT….CHEAPNESS?! NOT GOOD….)

Anyway….I’d risk being eaten by a Grizzly if I thought that it might get me something free.

I guess that Alaska has been on my radar since then.

Maybe the best survival skill is the ability to always figure out how to be happy where you are…..?

Thinking about anything doesn’t get you ready for the reality of a situation, anyway.

I don’t think you know what something’s about until you’re in the “what did I do?” part of the experience, anyway.

Maybe some people learn to swim trying to make it back to the shore…sink or….

Anyway….the only Norwegian that Jenny knew before me was this angry guy who took all his family’s money and ran away to Alaska.

I’m not that man.

Forget what I said about Alaska.

I’m not that guy.

Here’s a “road movie” that starts out close to some land we own out in Idaho.

That land is just sitting there….like it’s sat there since my father moved away as a young man.

When Dad passed away, I inherited it.

My cousin and his family lives on a lower section….but our chunk is just sitting there…..waiting for something.

I talk about movement….about travel….about pulling up and going….and I think that it kind of freaks Jenny out a little.

I’m not going anywhere.

Wheeeeeeeeeee.

Now, if I could figure out a way to be planted firmly and still exercise the constant wanderlust, I’d do it.

In a heartbeat.

If I could present the impression of being rock solid and a fine citizen….but still have the converted school bus that circumnavigates, I would pack it up and take this family on the road….wake up in a different place every morning….the hot breath and a cloud of vapor at the opening of our sleeping bags in the morning…..a new sunrise and a life of constant amazement every day.

But….who could withstand a life of constant amazement?

We’d burst if we got too happy.

We couldn’t take that.

There must be a reason that we wait on heaven….too much of a good thing here on earth would drive us crazy.

I read another article about how sitting kills you early.

Stasis…..kills.

I sit and drive around in circles….stopping every hundred yards to open another metal box.

Sitting and stopping….some kind of weird metaphor….the same circle everyday.

Oh, well….who doesn’t travel in the same circle?

Mine’s just so constant and obvious that I can’t ignore it.

This sitting thing concerns me.

It bothers me.

I think that it bothers Jenny that it bothers me.

I think that she might think that I’m a hypocrite…..no….that’s not the word….A HYPOCHONDRIAC!! THAT’S THE WORD…..

She may think that I’m a hypocrite, too.

If somebody tells me that I should worry about something, there’s a good chance that I’ll take them up on it.

If I ever doubt whether or not I’m good at anything, I should remember my worrying skills.

Ahhhhh, what the heck? I can’t worry about that right now.

I have big fish to fry.

Today starts the mail count.

That’s something we do at the post office so that management can tell how much they can take away from us.

I’m the only one in the office who didn’t “opt out”….so, I’m the only one who’s counting.

That was stupid.

There’s a danger in knowing how big the world is….when you’re anchored by your mind.

Anchored by your mind…..and then there’s this MONEY THING.

Just whining ….early in the morning whining.

I read an interview with Martin Short….and when they asked him about money, he said, “It’s there to be spent. I like picking up checks and things. I know from any woman I’ve ever talked to that there’s nothing less sexy than a cheap man.”

Jenny must really love me.

I’m so cheap.

I like this movie.

It’s a good thing to travel.

is easy to write about.

Jenny and I watched this movie last night.

I like to eat. I like to cook.

And….I like to watch people cook.

This was a great movie….a lot of fun.

A successful chef has a run-in with a familiar food critic…responds to a bad review using unfamiliar (to him) social media….has a pretty strong negative reaction to the Twitter response that he sends to the critic….and when his hand is forced at the restaurant where he is the chef….has to make a change in his career that saves his art/cooking….and his life.

I guess that’s the plot in a nutshell.

I don’t get to watch much “grown up” content anymore. Most of what we watch is children’s programming…..but when I get a block of time and watch something that I actually enjoy, it really feels like a victory.

I really enjoyed this movie.

It made me want to travel….and it made me want to eat.

It made me want to travel and eat at the same time.

It made me hungry.

And, if you get a chance to watch this….and I hope that you do, because it is one of the ones that’s on Netflix that is actually worth watching….pay some attention to the music. It’s pretty great….

This is kind of a post script….but I’ve finished the french press of coffee that I make myself every morning and I guess I’m a little jazzed up or something….so I’ll type a little longer.

I think that the thing that I respond to so strongly in this movie is the passion this guy feels for what he’s doing.

It’s the passion.

Maybe the cooking is just the expression he chose for that passion….I don’t know.

There’s a scene in the movie where he’s talking to his son about the things that he (the chef) is not good at….and the list is long….but concludes by saying that “he’s good at this (cooking)”…..and that you need to be passionate about what you do.

You need to feel passionately about what you do….

I’m not a passionate mailman.

Everyday….I’m not a passionate mailman.

Shucks.

“Passion” is worth pursuing….worth executing.

Maybe that’s what I’m responding to…. seeing someone who is passionate about what they do.

Even if it’s “only a movie”….it’s good to see that.

It’s a good thing to care deeply about the work that fills the majority of your time……and it’s a good thing to be reminded that it might be possible to make a living doing something you love.

But…on the other hand….it’s good to do anything that comes close to paying your bills.

After all….we’ve got to eat.

I stole this from my Facebook page this morning.

I don’t know if there is a Thai equivalent to our Super Bowl.

I kind of doubt it.

What a sad thing that they don’t have a venue where they can spend millions of dollars to have millions of people watch this beautiful, quiet message.

( For me to say “sad thing” in a hopefully conveyed “tongue-in-cheek” way doesn’t really fit with the sincerity of this message. I guess that I can’t stop being a smarty pants…)

That question, though…..”what does he get?….” ….what does he get.

I guess that everything we do has a “get” at the end of it.

There’s something to be had for every action….there’s some kind of end result for everything that we do.

It’s so quiet sometimes, though.

It’s not grand and exciting.

It’s boring….mundane….routine….sometimes.

I haven’t figured out kindness yet.

I think that I’m getting a handle on “crotchety”….but kindness still kind of eludes me.

It’s that “George Bailey” thing…all the time….hoping that something boring and unexciting is going to have some kind of impact other than just being….boring and unexciting.

Hoping that some angel in an old hat isn’t going to find me at the end and say, “Wow. See, Peter….see? See how boring the time you spent with your loved ones was for everyone around you? Why did you watch so many videos? What did you need with so many trips to the pawn shop? You didn’t need another guitar….why’d you waste everyone’s time like that? What’s wrong with you?”

And then….instead of finding some of ZuZu’s petals I wake up and find some crunched up old Cheetos in my jacket pocket.

That would be kind of cruel for an angel to think that he needed to show me that.

Maybe it would be a kindness if it made me “wake up”?

I don’t know…..

That’s not pertinent, anyway.

Dang.

I suppose that sometimes it’s better to just say, “I really liked this video!” and stop at that.

Will I? “Stop at that”? Probably not.

There is something bigger going on sometimes than just a bunch of unrelated small kindnesses.

That ripple effect…..a smile that travels….a kind thought that gets carried out into a kind action….and spreads…..it’s all so quietly powerful.

That’s a good thing.

That’s good news for modern man.

And….I really liked this Thai commercial.

Enuff said.

He that hath a bountiful eye shall be blessed; for he giveth of his bread to the poor. proverbs 22:9

A “bountiful eye”.

Man, what a cool phrase.

What’s that about?

Is it being able to see possibility in a world of “lack”?

The last part of the phrase makes me think that it includes using that ability to help the people around us if they need help.

Hmmmmmm…..there’s some responsibility in it. That makes it harder……

Is it being able to recognize the blessings in our own lives…and having enough gratitude for them that we allow our “blessings” to help those in need?

I think that we can train ourselves to see blessings….to see the good around us.

It’s only perspective, after all.

That’s a malleable thing….we should be able to control how we see the world.

Gratitude shouldn’t be a rare commodity.

A “bountiful eye”…..

That’s beautiful.

Something to shoot for.

The heater in my car is a little bit messed up right now.

The blower motor went out….and then the “zone control” got messed up somehow….so when I ordered another used motor (from Corvallis OR….try finding parts for a right hand drive mail jeep….it’s hard) all I ended up with was the default setting…..defrost.

Defrost dries my eyes out.

But….what a blessing to have some kind of heat source when it gets really cold around here.

I’ll fix the rest of the problems….but it is amazing to have something warm blowing anywhere when the weather turns bad.

I see that.

I see it.

I know it.

Now….I could concentrate on how things still aren’t right…..because….they still aren’t right.

It doesn’t blow where it’s supposed to go.

But…it blows.

It blows hot and steady.

I don’t have a bountiful eye yet. I don’t help the poor. I don’t do anything that I remember to help anybody.

Maybe I do….but I don’t remember.

But….what a thing to shoot for.

What an ability….to notice the good around me….to pay attention to my blessings….and to learn how to always pass them along to the people around me.

BY THE TIME I GO FROM THIS EARTH, I’M GOING TO FIGURE AT LEAST SOMETHING OUT.

“Bountiful eye”….that is so cool.

Maybe I’ll start with trying to figure that out.