more normal than not

We got the process started a couple of days ago to get a passport for Sparrow.

When you’re little, your passport is good for 5 years.

Your passport is good for 5 years, but they charge you for 10 years.

I think that it’s because the passports they give to babies are twice as good….so they last half as long.

That must be the reason.

I work for the Post Office…..so I’m always curious how things are going for the other clerks or carriers.

When I asked the clerk who was helping us process the application for the passport how long he’d been with the PO, he told me “24 years…..”

“I’ve got 6 more years to go….and then I can do what I want to do….“

Oh, man.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, mannnnnnnnnn.

“Then….I can do what I want to do….”

Maybe I’m thinking the same thing….but it’s rough to hear it.

How many of us are on that same schedule…..spending the bulk of our lives doing something mildly distasteful so that, when we’re older and less able to really run in the sunshine, we can finally do “what we want to do”?

There’s the “quiet desperation” that I hear so much about.

That’s the thing that we think we can “wait out”…that if we just suck it all up and go on with our lives….and do the thing that we picked to support ourselves and our families (or that “picked us” if we really didn’t plan very well) for as long as it takes to get to the marker that says, “you can go now…” ….well….then we “can go now”….and do something that we want to do with our lives.

I guess that you do what you do….and figure out the way to enjoy it and the people around you….no matter what you’re spending your life on.

I know that’s the way I handle any of it.

I work with great people.

I have FUN where I can find it.

But…I settle for things that maybe are less than ideal.

Ahhhhh, what the heck? You’ve gotta do somethin’.

It’s that expectation that gets me, though.

It’s the waiting for the right time….or the right place…or the right person, even (if you’re single….single)…or any of the right conditions that would allow you to “do the thing that you want to do”….that bugs me to think about.

The dress rehearsal parts of our life….the wade through dress rehearsal parts…..those parts KILL.

And what if you waste your whole life thinking that if you just stick it out and wait for the good stuff to come….that if you just have enough endurance to stand some more of that job that pays well enough to keep you hanging around….that someday, you’ll get to GO…..if you waste your life….that would really stink.

Waiting for the good times is no way to live a life.

Man….all these questions made the “passport getting” process take about 5 times as long as it should have.

I’M ONLY KIDDING….I DIDN’T ASK THAT DUDE ANY OF THIS STUFF.

That would have been crazy.

No crazier,though, than the building excitement of only having 6 more years of your life to go before you get to do the good stuff.

Why do we do that to ourselves?

(It’s the MONEY, isn’t it? We needs the MONEY…..)

 

“been on the job too long” Lonely Eagles, Wilmer Watts

 

 

 

Something about the light…..overcast and perfect.

It’s hard to tell how a photograph is going to turn out until you stop to look at it later.

A grey day can be magic in the right light.

Sometimes you just need a little distance….or something…to realize that.

A picture is never the “thing” anyway….it’s just a marker for your memory.

We went to look at the goats and to hike around a while back….must have been in the Fall….the weather turning cool enough warm enough for sweatshirts, so it must have been the Fall. (PS….or….not.)

“The Fall”….with a capital “F”.

( a post script….Jenny told me that it was February. Dang. Talk about paying attention….or not. It was February….February with a capital “F”.)

Jenny said I took too many pictures of the goats walking away….that goat rear ends weren’t really photogenic.

I couldn’t help it….no, that sounds wrong….I don’t have any weird compulsion to take pictures of goat’s rear ends.

I mean that I couldn’t get them to pose right.

That’s what I mean.

There’s so much that I take for granted.

Goat’s rears Lots of things….for example, how easy it is to forget to take a picture.

I don’t miss photo opportunities because I’m paying such close attention that I can’t be bothered with a camera.

I don’t pay such close attention.

I don’t know what I’m usually thinking about…..but I don’t always pay attention.

Jenny’s good about taking pictures…but I forget to get the camera.

I guess that if you have enough experience with taking pictures, you’re going to know what the light will bring.

You’ll know what it means to stand under a sky that might let the rain come down.

Most of the time….for me, at least…it’s all just a mystery.

When I see the picture, I understand how it all turned out.

 

 

 

“home (cover)” the Gardiner Sisters

 

 

 

Oh.

Oh, my.

I just heard some of a Willy Porter album that he recorded with the Carpe Diem String Quartet a couple of years ago.

Man.

Here’s a picture of the album….

Holy Smokes!!! That’s some good stuff there…..

Good stuff is never hard to write about….but you might find yourself repeating yourself if you revisit favorites.

I’ve written about Willy Porter before….probably will again….but this album of performances with a string quartet are just too good not to mention.

Did you ever notice that it’s easier to find a picture in Us magazine of Justin Bieber acting out than it is to find a picture of Willy Porter in the same magazine?

They must not run in the same circles.

Willy and Justin….partying hard on the beach in the South of France.

I just can’t see that.

I’m glad that I can’t.

Here’s some earlier live Willy Porter….

Willy Porter!

so good…..

But….now that I think of it, maybe this post is just an excuse to use the word “redux”?

I hope that “redux” means what I think it means.

I need to be more careful with my words.

I hope it means what I think….it means.

I think that it means, like, “again”.

I hope it means…….

“breathe” Willy Porter and Carpe Diem

People get nervous when you talk about movement….when it’s movement away from something.

How bad must things be if all you seem to do is talk about how enticing it is to think about “getting away”?

I guess it’s all a question of motivation.

If your motivation is escape, the leaving can be a little bit circumspect. It doesn’t always make sense when you move towards something just to get away from something else.

“Running from” and “running to” are two different things.

My roots are deep….but I do wonder what’s “out there” in the world, sometimes.

I wonder what’s out there….not because anything that I have is bad….or even anything worthy of indifference.

What I have is AMAZING.

I have employment that supports my family….we’re healthy and without fail….usually….very happy.

We are the picture of “blessed”.

I don’t have a thing to complain about….even if sometimes I seem capable of digging up some twist on it all that feels like something “common” that needs to be escaped.

There’s nothing here to escape.

This is a world to celebrate….not one to lay down in a fetal position in and just endure. It’s a good world….and a good life….and, hey….even if it wasn’t so good right now….it could always get better.

There’s still time for things to get “even mo’ bettah”.

I wonder what’s out there….not because I’m pessimistic about “what is”….but because I’m optimistic about what might be.

Figuring out how to get to “even more amazing” from “amazing” is a trick.

Sometimes it’s a journey you have to take inside your own head.

Sometimes a good cup of coffee is enough to make “where you’re planted” look pretty darn good.

Sometimes a good cup of coffee just makes you feel kind of jittery.

I kind of like coffee.

I guess that when you get down to it, you can spend a lifetime feeling dissatisfied with “what is”….sure that you must be missing something….or that you were dealt a bad hand and your life didn’t even begin to approach what MIGHT HAVE BEEN…or WHAT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED…or, even, in some twist of logic…..WHAT YOU WERE PROMISED WOULD HAPPEN TO YOU….but “didn’t” happen the way that you think that it should have.

You can spend a lifetime looking for the key to the whole puzzle….something that drops into your lap with no effort…..some gifted birthright that you can finally claim if everyone else just gets out of your way.

You can burrow deep into your own head and thoughts until all you can see is the dirt around your roots….until all you can feel is how you can’t move for all the darkness surrounding you.

A person can spend a lifetime looking for something elusive and illusionary….and get to the end and realize that while you looked away for that long searching moment, you missed all the good stuff that was right with you all along.

All you can see are the roots….to the point where you forget the “tree above the surface”.

Nah…..there’s no quiet desperation here.

I’m planted deep…..but my leaves still blow in the breeze.

My leaves blow gentle and free.

Like all those t-shirts say…..”Life is Good”,

 

“try to forget” Willy Porter

You have to be careful with how you look things up on YouTube.

If you use a keyword that’s too inclusive, you can get a lot of weird options.

If you look up “permaculture”, it’s pretty safe.

That’s a narrow search alley.

If you look up “alternative lifestyle”….it can be a different story.

There are lots of weird ways that we live and breathe…..lots of very alternative lifestyles out there in the world.

I guess that it really depends on your point of view, though.

One man’s/woman’s weird aberration is another’s humdrum and familiar.

It’s funny….like that.

Here’s a video about a pretty safe alternative…..”sustainable lifestyle”.

I don’t know that a commune is the way to go….

I guess that they’re called sustainable communities now, though.

You just have to call it all by the right word when you’re searching.

Now….how do you pick the right word?

What a conundrum…..problem.