more normal than not

A friend at work said, “We’re going to have to call you The Count….” when this whole process started three weeks ago.

I didn’t get it….he had to tell me “Sesame Street?”….. for me to get it.

Sparrow was sick when I got home from work.

104.7 sounds like a good number for an FM station….but it’s not a good number for a little girl.

Jenny gave her some medicine…and the fever dropped.

The two of them are asleep still.

This count….this count….this thing that’s captured my attention and concern this past three weeks….the thing that determines how many weekends I get to spend with my family…..this thing that tells me how much money I make and how long it takes me to make it…..

This freaking count….

It is nothing.

I get all jacked up over nothing.

Jobs come and jobs go….and each one has its moments that get me kind of emotional….highs and lows….silly things that fill up my “worry pool”…..

And, then….I have a sick child and I realize that the thing that I use to support our needs is really NOTHING.

It’s nothing.

Not a single thing.

It just doesn’t matter in the light of a sick child.

Today is the last day of the count.

I guess that they extended it because of the holiday.

That’s fair….and I’m surprised that they didn’t try to adjust “the matrix” in some strange and cryptic USPS way to avoid doing it today, too.

One more day of this BS….but today, I have a secret.

My job is a tool….it’s a tool that I can pick up or put down (well, actually, I can probably only “put it down” once….unless I can get creative with all these sick days that I’ve never used….)….pick up or put down any time.

IT’S A TOOL.

IT’S NOT ME.

I have a little girl who is sleeping comfortably who was sick last night.

That’s the real thing.

That’s the “substance”.

It’s a good thing to wake up to a pretty… benign…. situation.

I never know what’s going to happen….weather-wise.

They called for possibly 10 inches of wet snow…..and when I woke up this morning, it was only about 5 or 6″ and pretty powdery.

Man….that’s a different kind of situation.

That’s “quiet and everybody else staying inside” kind of snow.

I’ll have the roads to myself in a soft and gentle winter wonderland.

That’s the kind of snow where it’s good to have an excuse to have to drive around in it.

It’s good to be able to drive around in fluffy stuff like this…..not the hard and slick stuff that you drive across and look behind you and your heavy car hasn’t even made an impression in the surface of the “white stuff”.

There is something that’s a lot less imposing about this stuff.

It’s more fun….less dangerous.

I get nervous about weather these days.

The USPS doesn’t give us the option of saying, “I’m AFRAID!! I DON’T WANT TO DELIVER THE MAIL TODAY!!!!”

We can’t say that.

I believe they’d send us out to mosey around the route if the world was cracking open and fire was spitting out from the depths of hell itself.

If management was safe in some protected bunker somewhere when everything was hitting the fan on the surface, I think that we’d get the call to get out there and bring the people the Victoria’s Secret catalogs that they need.

It would have to something important….nobody would want to get their power bill if the world was cracking into smaller pieces.

It’s a blessing to have the potential for a fun day ahead of me.

That’s always a blessing to know that what I thought was going to be an ordeal is going to be kind of fun.

Of course, I’d never say that out loud.

“Don’t throw me in the briar patch!” is what I’d say.

So…..I’ll drive around in this soft white blanket of snow all day….and when I’m done, I’ll get to come back home.

I’ll get to come home and see the snowmen that I imagine that the kids will have made while I was gone.

Home.

That’s the best part…..

“home” Karla Bonoff

 

 

 

We had a warm day and a melt off yesterday.

That was like a cooler version of minor league Heaven…..being able to drive around again on the black top….feeling the tires take purchase wherever I drove.

That was pretty wonderful.

I take so much for granted….all the time.

Traction is one of the things that I’ve grown used to.

It freaks me out to think that because my tires start to spin, and then the Jeep starts to slide, and then the Jeep (possibly) starts to slide faster, and then….in my worst imaginings, starts to slide over the edge of something tall and high….it freaks me out that the traction I’ve grown to love has failed me.

I hate sliding disappointments.

I woke up to snow this morning.

The weather folks told me it might snow a little…..but everything is white in my neighborhood….so I guess it snowed “enough”.

It snowed “just right”.

That’s what I’d say if I was a bear in a story.

But….I’m me….and instead I’ll say, to myself…”$%@#!!!!!!! SNOW!!! AGAIN!!!!    #$#%%^^@&&!!!!”

Those weird words are “curse words”…..like “dang” and “darnit”.

But, you know what? Snow really is “mo’ bettah”.

It’s “gentle slippery”.

I can deal with “gentle slippery” a lot better than I can deal with a solid and thick sheet of ice.

A solid sheet of ice is “Devil Slippery”.

School is closed today, though….even if it’s a gentle kind of slippery.

Not the POST OFFICE.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…..NOT THE POST OFFICE!!!!!! @#$#$$$$!!!! . THEY WOULDN’T CLOSE THE #$%@%^^#@#$%$%!!!!!! POST OFFICE!!!!!

(I’m kidding….I know the rule….and I know my role.)

Snow.

Who would have thought that after that brief respite that I’d have another round of slippery stuff to work around so soon?

Life sure can be crazy sometimes….even if it’s only the weather.

“amid the falling snow” Enya

 

 

 

 

I am surrounded by comfortable habits that I take for granted.

Like my family.

It’s not always “comfortable” to be a parent.

I guess that’s true.

Life is messy. Things happen. We never know what lays up ahead of us. We never know what’s going to happen.

Everybody’s life is like that. Nobody can plan for every occurrence.

My biggest habit, though, is being a parent.

I’m the catcher in the rye.

The buck stops….and starts….with me.

That’s kind of weird to really realize that. It’s common….knowledge….that we sweep under the rug because it’s so common.

We don’t think about it because it’s an everyday kind of thing.

Now, I have my normal habits that are so regular that if I don’t make my coffee and take my vitamins in the same order everyday it makes me feel like I’m really “bucking the system” or something.

I don’t believe that I’m OCD or anything….but I am a creature of a small range of habits.

I do the same things…the same way…. because the efficiency of it lets me be lazy.

Sudden bursts of efficiency let me lay back the rest of the time…..or something.

Maybe that’s the internal goal….but it seems like, no matter what I think or plan,that there’s always something to worry about doing…..and then, sometimes, actually do.

I think that our heads would explode (!!) if we could really see how much all these people….all these “soul wrappers”….all these members of our families really mean to us and to our lives.

Our heads would explode if we understood how much some of these things….these people…. really mean… before we’re gone.

OUR HEADS WOULD EXPLODE!!!

I bought some sandwiches from Ingles last night….submarine sandwiches….hoagies….grinders…..what do you call them?

Sandwiches…..like at Subway….but better.

I brought them home…..and we ate them for supper.

That sounds a lot more mundane than it is.

Maybe it’s as mundane as it sounds.

Nothing too fancy about that.

Nothing too special.

But….I looked around at that “mundane” scene….and the thought crossed my mind that, “hey!!! This is my favorite habit.”

I don’t think that there has been a single good thing in my life that I didn’t take for granted.

My inattention has damaged.

My shotgun-like distraction has made me miss things while I tried to see everything in the world.

While I tried to see everything, I missed the things I should have been noticing around me.

What’s that “forest for the trees” saying?

Can’t see the forest for the trees?

Having something that I can take for granted is something that I better pay closer attention to.

Not everybody has a chance not to notice something good like that.

I better wake up.

 

 

PS….Isaac took this picture.

Ahhhhhhh….

It’s cold here….record setting….and the vehicles might find that hard to deal with.

I set out for work yesterday, and 5 miles into the trip, my alternator stopped working.

The “check guages” light in the Jeep came on, the indicator needle went down a few notches….and then it went down as many notches as it could….and when it hit bottom, the guage stopped moving altogether.

What was I to do?

What to do?

I drove to the auto parts store…..and asked him if he could check my alternator.

But….to check the alternator, the car has to be running….and since I’d shut it down to go into the store and the car wasn’t running, he couldn’t check the alternator.

So….he checked the battery, and it was completely drained in the 4 miles I’d driven after the alternator quit working.

So……(so, so, so..) I called Jenny and she helped me get an online order in for another battery (I saved $50.00 doing it like that…..so much a cheapskate…)….I installed the battery in the bitter cold of winter….bittter, bitter cold…in the parking lot of the parts store…..started the car….the kid inside put on his scarf and arctic gear, he came outside and checked the car….and said, “You need an alternator.”

The crappy alternator was 130.00 …..the reasonably good on was 260.00…..the better “good” one was about 300.00.

The last one I purchased I bought used for 30.00.

I went to the junkyard to buy another one for 30.00.

It was a “no brainer”.

(And you know….it just hit me….just now….that so many of the times when I seek out the “no brainer’s”….that the results are eventually going to come back to bit me….some really cold morning, the results bite me….  I don’t know how well “no brainer” is working for me.)

And….you know what?

The alternator that is so common and cheap….the one that the junkyard….er, auto recycler….always has….was sold out!!

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

The guy helping me couldn’t believe it, either.

But he gave me a tip about a place that I could take it to and have it rebuilt….said the guy used good quality parts and that it was a lot cheaper than buying one of the crummy parts store alternators.

That sounded good to me, so…..

I went back home, parked the Jeep, got the old alternator that the guy at the “auto recyclers” had suggested I keep and have rebuilt….”just in case”….(which was a genius suggestion that I, of course, didn’t follow..)….loaded everybody up in the minivan…”everybody” because it was too cold and dangerous for school….too icy, still….and we went out to Mills River to drop off the alternator.

A couple of hours later, the part was fixed.

The resolution to these problems is so much gentler than the way the problem first presents itself.

I spent some money, got some parts, and the problem is fixed.

It sure does feel dire when the weather is this cold, though.

And, if something never works, it’s easy to never expect it to work.

When the “faithful” break down, you never know what’s going to happen next.

My world was rocked yesterday….in sub-freezing (that sounds SUPER DRAMATIC!!! But….it’s true….”sub-freezing”…..wow….) temperatures.

I do live a life of adventure.

“come in from the cold” Joni Mitchell